


The Lighthouse

by justhilarrieous1



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: 1d, Breakup, Fluff and Smut, Getting Back Together, Heartache, M/M, Wedding, Wedding Planning, happy end
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-05-05 21:40:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5391377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justhilarrieous1/pseuds/justhilarrieous1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Louis decide to get married during the hiatus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfic I post, so forgive any mistakes in the tagging and layout. Comments are appreciated. This is a chaptered story. I have no idea how many chapters there will be, although I have the whole storyline in my head. Updates will be irregular as I will write when inspiration hits me in the face. Enjoy!

Chapter One

When the first rays of sunshine caressed Harry's face, he erupted from the sheets like a rocket with a face-splitting grin almost tearing his face in two. With a blissful glance he turned so he could dwell in the pleasure of watching the tousled mop of hair peeking out of the covers right next to him. He felt the urge to shower the sleeping beauty with kisses and touches for the rest of time. But as he was the caring kind he chastised himself, relaxed against the headboard of the king-size bed and let the events of the evening before replay in his mind. 

Harry had long since lost track regarding the number of proposals Louis had graced him with over the years. Each one more romantic than the one before. There had been flowers, champagne, jewellery, midnight cruises, Ferris wheel rides, jacuzzis and more. Name it, Louis had done it. And Harry had accepted every single one of them after Louis had gone down on one knee. 

Last night had been different though. They had enjoyed a quite evening in with a home-cooked meal and a movie. As they were cuddled on the couch, both in sweatpants and t-shirt, Louis had gently taken his hand, kissed all his fingertips reverently and then cupped Harry's face in his hands. Unusually solemn he had said: "Harry Edward Styles, you are the most important and precious thing in my life and I cannot imagine a future with you not in in. So I really want to do this now. Marry me, love."

Harry had gasped and tears threatened to spill from his eyes. This had been so sincere and casual, that he knew without a doubt, this was the one that counted, the one that would stand the test of time. Louis looked at him with actual anxiety in his gaze, which also was a novelty. Harry felt a tinge of panic due to the gravity of the moment, but that almost immediately subsided to a feeling of complete peace and joy. He took Louis' left hand, rested it over his heart and simply said: "Yes!" They shared a tooth-rottingly sweet kiss, went to bed and let sleep wash over them, entangled in each other.

Harry had always known that the real and important things in life usually were quite simple. So it was no big surprise that, after satisfying the first cravings of the day, namely a nice cup of tea, they sat down with their mobiles and started on the list, the list that would make or break the most important day of their lives. They knew they wanted a spring or summer wedding, lots of flowers, sunshine, outdoors. So that was a no-brainer. The guest list was tricky and thus quickly pushed to the bottom-minus-one-spot. And then they got lost browsing the internet for possible venues. First they enthusiastically showed one castle after the other, uncountable posh country houses and fancy luxury hotels to each other, but the more places they looked at the quiter they got and the frowns on their foreheads deepened. It was Louis who finally ended their misery: "This is all crap, this is not really us. Let's think about it some more." Harry let out a sigh of relief: "Thank God, you just said that. Anyway I think I give my mum a call to make her day with the news." He grinned cheerfully, as Louis snorted lovingly, exclaiming: "Again?!" The pillow of revenge missed its target by a mile, but under the circumstances Harry decided to show mercy. He smacked a wet kiss on Louis' temple and made his way to their bedroom in order to get some privacy and give Louis the chance to do the same.

"Hello Mum", Harry almost shouted, when his mother finally answered the phone.  
"Darling, how nice to hear from you", Anne was always enjoying to talk to her only son and the fond showed in her voice.  
"Mum, I've got to tell you something", Harry was almost hyperventilating, eager to share the good news.  
"I hope it's something good or is it about Louis again", she so loved to tease him  
"Last night Louis proposed to me", he blurted out.  
"Harry, how lovely, tell me all about it", she said with a mocking undertone, Harry supposed that she just added another tick to the tally list she kept for this kind of news.  
"No, this is the real thing. He asked in earnest and I answered in earnest. This time we are really doing this, we already started planning. Mum, I am so happy, this is the best feeling ever", his voice was brimming with joy.  
"Oh my god! You are serious about this. But what was different this time?", Anne was puzzled.  
"Lou didn't do his usual grand scheme. We sat on the couch and he just popped the question without further ado. It just felt different and we both knew", Harry was actually at a loss for words, unable to express the uniqueness of it all. Although the silence that follwed his ramblings assured him, that his mother had indeed grasped the significance of his words. After what seemed like a small eternity she spoke with a shaky voice: "Harry, I am so, so happy for you both. Oh, I wish I could hug you now and see your face. Can you come home anytime soon? We need to celebrate this."

And while Harry couldn't help himself and tell his mum for a millionth time how wonderful Louis was and how much he loved him, Louis sat on the famous couch, nibbled on his upper and lower lip in turns and toyed with the call button of his mobile, his mother's number alight on the screen. Well, if Harry could do this, so could he. He sighed one last time and - showtime.

"Boo, such perfect timing. I just sat down with a cup of tea", he could picture his mum sitting down in the living room, feet popped up, a cup of tea and a biscuit cradled in her lap. Louis didn't actually want to do this over the phone. He wanted to be in the same room with her, mirroring her pose.  
"I shouldn't do this over the phone, but Harry is just talking to Anne, so I guess it is only fair to share the news with you aswell."  
"Oh, spill the beans, which one of you is pregnant", Jay asked teasingly.  
Louis sighed and rolled his eyes, loving his mum for her wonderful sense of humour.  
"Well, we're not quite there yet, but it won't be long I promise. Before that, however, we will do the decent thing and get married. And then Harry will have all our babies", he giggled.  
"And can you give me one good reason, why Harry will have to go through this."  
"Well, first of all he is into this healthy food and life-style thing, which is a good thing, as we want our babies to be healthy and beautiful. Secondly can you imagine me running around the football pit with a baby-bump. Honestly mum, that would look ridiculous and I'd be out of breath in the most inappropiate moments. So Harry has to do it, this is not up for discussion."  
Jay snorted, but when she spoke again her voice was filled with love and pride: "This is fantastic. Let me know when you need any help with the planning. I can't wait to see it all unfold. Oh Boo, I think I need to cry a little bit, but don't worry. It's all tears of joy. But don't get me wrong. when it comes to this baby thing, I will be 100% Team Harry." And with that she ended the call.

Well, that went well, Louis thought as he relaxed on the couch, smiling. That is how Harry found him only minutes later. He popped down on the coffee-table facing his spouse-to-be and had a deep frown on his face, when he waved his phone in front of Louis' eyes and asked irritatedly: "Lou, what does your mum mean, when she texts 'I am 100% Team Harry?"

Louis gasped dramatically and exclaimed: "I don't have the slightest idea. Honestly, this woman is so deluded sometimes. Better ignore it, we don't want to embarrass her."  
Harry eyed the man in front of him dubiously, before his eyes lit up and he said cheerfully: "By the way, there is one thing we can tick off on our wedding check-list. And before you say anything, this is not negotiable. If you object there will be no wedding."

Now Louis looked properly frightened: "Okaaaaay, what is it?" 

Harry took a deep breath and uttered at the speed of light: "IwillbeMr.Tomlinson!"

Louis looked at the blushing green-eyed angel before him and softly said: "I guess I have known that for a long time, love." And then he pulled him in for a kiss that began where all known words ended.


	2. Chapter 2

Louis sighed and looked over the rim of the mug in his hands, the screen of his laptop lit up patiently for much too long. Even the internet was mocking him. Frustrated by the actions or, more precisely, non-actions of the past weeks, he had just typed in 'How to plan a wedding' and was immediately informed, that there were 207.000.000 search results available. What the fuck! Louis had reached a point where he deeply regretted ever proposing to Harry. Not that he had second thoughts about spending the rest of his life with the guy, but he suddenly was in awe of everyone who had actually managed to get past the planning stage. Maybe he should call his mum, but he cringed at the thought. He knew it was ridiculous, but he could be stubborn at times. Harry and he had decided to really make it their own and do everything themselves. But endless talks and browsing sessions later they didn't have the slightest clue what they wanted. 

Of course having everyone there with them on the day seemed nice. So many people had been there for them along the way, so many people they wanted to celebrate this special moment with. But they would have to draw a line somewhere, just where was the tricky bit. Louis had suggested ironically to livestream the whole thing, but when he had noticed a treacherous twinkle in Harry's eyes, he almost panicked. No, he really should not give his spouse-to-be any funny ideas. So the guest list was still a no-go area. The same applied to the location. Home or far away? Posh and big or intimate and simple? Eloping became an intriguing concept. But they could not do that to their families and they didn't want to, to be honest. 

So it was no suprise that even after almost a month they still hadn't told anyone besides their mums. Funny though that they had instantly agreed on best men. Of course they both had a handful of very good friends who qualified for the job, but at the end of the day Liam and Niall were unrivaled. They had been there from day one and been supportive, never faltering, so yes, no hiccups there. And, Louis grinned mischievously, speeches. The thought of Liam and Niall wrecking their brains about what to say and almost dying with nerves at the crucial moment made this whole ordeal worth the while. 

So Louis sighed again and tried to focus on the screen. He typed in 'wedding cakes' in the search bar and spent almost an hour looking at what felt like a gazillion cakes, before one hit his eye. Not that it was the most sophisticated or very spectacular, but the ornaments hit home. It was anchors and knots with a sailing yacht on top. He was so excited that he immediately texted Harry: Got it!!! When will you be home?  
Harry had left earlier to spent some quality time with Nick, which normally meant, he could be gone the whole day. 

It was a solid statement about the need to make progress on the planning front that Harry didn't even bother to answer but made it home in record time looking at him with exited eyes and biting his lip. Louis found it extremely difficult to focus on anything else than to get the man naked, when he looked at him all hopeful and expectant, but priorities. He put the laptop next to him on the couch and gestured Harry to come over to him. As soon as he was at arm's length Louis grabbed his hands and pulled him down, so he had to straddle his thighs. This felt so good, maybe he should rethink these priorities. But no, imagine, how awesome sex with happy Harry would be after he revealed his plan. Oh no, what if Harry hated his idea. Well, a little bit of punishment involved could spice things up nicely. And if they both were just disappointed because the idea was not so great after all, they would have the sweet and comforting kind of coitus. So anyway, erotic pleasures were on the way and the sooner he spilt the beans, the sooner they could take this to the bedroom. He gave Harry a delightful smile and gently caressed his thighs.

"What do think about a maritime themed wedding?" he asked tentatively.  
Harry's brows shot up for a split-second, then his mouth formed a perfect 'O', because everything about Harry was perfect, well, almost, most of the time, so to speak.  
"Yeah, sounds great. Any details yet or just the general theme?"  
"Well, I'm not sure, but I want a sailing yacht to be involved and maybe a lighthouse", speaking it out loud made it sound a bit lame in Louis' ears, but Harry was the one with the vivid imagination and he picked up the thread immediately.  
"I can already see it in front of my eyes. We get married on the yacht with only our closest family and friends and then we have a reception at a nearby lighthouse with everyone else. Splendid. Babe, you are incredible, love you so much."  
Harry hummed contentedly. He cupped Louis' face with both his hands and leaned down to peck his lips, which apparently wasn't enough, as he started moaning and grinding at the same time, impatiently teasing his lover's lips with his tongue. And who was Louis to deny this gorgeous creature access, although he found it a little difficult to concentrate as Harry's words ensued a whole train of thoughts. Was there even a lighthouse where a sailing yacht could anchor? What if the weather was bad on the day? What if he or Harry got seasick during the vows? Well, fortunately his lower abdomen was able to completely disconnect from his brain and take over all bodily function. So, to hell with sailing yachts, lighthouses and maritime themed weddings and hello sailor.

Later, a lot later, he lay on his back on their king-size bed, heavenly spent with warm fussy tingles washing over his body, as Harry was singing in the en-suite shower. Happy-Harry-sex was the best kind. They had lingered on the couch, too lost in the moment to get up, but as the wet kisses got sloppier, the grinding of their hips more urgent and the roaming of their hands more desperate, they both feared to come right there and then. Harry had gotten up, dragged Louis along behind him up the stairs and pushed him on the bed. Then he had stilled and let his eyes wander over Louis' still clothed body with lusting eyes. Very slowly he had started to take off his clothes. At an excruciatingly slow pace he had pulled down the zippers of his ankle boots, giving Louis a good view of his arse as he bend over. Taking them off one by one he popped his hips seductively and let out a small groan. He went to a nearby chair and sat down, pulling one leg up and pushing his fingers into his sock, languidly lowering it over the heel and the toes until it silently dropped to the floor. Without even acknowledging the other man's presence he repeated the movement for the other sock. Then he got up again and moved towards the bed, undoing the buttons of his shirt one by one with no hurry at all. When the shirt met the carpet he stood in front of the bed between the V of Louis' legs. 

Harry licked his lips, sqeezed the bulge in his pants and groaned. Pleadingly he said to Louis: "Do you think you can help me with the zipper of my jeans?" Louis let out a muffled sound and lifted his torso up from the mattress. He put one finger in the nearest belt loop and pulled Harry in.  
"Let me think here for a moment. So do I get this right, you want me to open this button here?" As Harry grinned and nodded, Louis played with the button as if it was a great mystery, deliberately brushing over the clothed erection underneath the fabric. When even he himself couldn't stand the tension anymore he solved the mystery of unbuttoning and swiflty caressed the revealed strip of skin. Locking eyes with Harry he pulled down the zipper, pausing after every single element. He could feel Harry's thighs tense more and more, but he could be a tease as well. Eventually the zipper was down all the way and he shoved his hand inside so he could push the damn thing down to the knees. He redirected his gaze to the beautiful cock hidden from view by a thin layer of silky fabric. All of a sudden the concept of stalling lost its charm and he freed the object of his lust from the overrated confinement, called underwear. Louis had put his mouth to work without further ado and it didn't take long before his licking and sucking, the humming and grazing, the stroking and fondling showed the desired effect and Harry came in his mouth, muttering unintelligible endearments, bonelessly holding on to Louis' shoulders for support. 

Finally they both collapsed on the bed and Louis was afraid that Harry had fallen asleep, leaving him alone with his own arousal. But being the caring kind Harry had turned to give him an ecstatic kiss, that ended when the t-shirt needed to go over the head. Enthusiastically he moved down Louis' body showering every inch of his skin with a kiss and a lick, giving his nipples an extra special treatment, that included a bit of biting and sucking. Next he turned his attention to the beloved belly button, dipping his tongue in, as if it was filled with delicious treats. Harry felt Louis shift restlessly and moved further down, getting rid of the sweatpants and the briefs as quickly as possible. He gave an enchanted stare to the mouth-watering specimen of manhood brushing his nose and almost poking him in the eye. They both laughed and it took away the imminent threat of an orgasm on Louis' part. Harry decided to spoil and enjoy. He kissed Louis on the hipbone, moved between his legs, pushed them up and reverently let his lips roam over the most divine buttcheeks under the sun and the gorgeous epicenter of lust they guarded. He put his lips, tongue and fingers to good use, if the sounds coming from Louis were anything to go by. He got so lost in the moment that he completely neglected his lover's cock until the top of his head collided with a hand. Harry shooed the hand away with his own and it only took a few strokes to paint a lovely pattern of white on Louis' stomach and chest.

He moved upwards again and was greeted by a wide smile. Louis let the middle finger of his left hand wander down Harry's torso and teased his reawakening erection.  
"Well, as you have opened me up so thoroughly, it would be a shame to let it do to waste. Do you think, this beauty is up for some more fun?"  
Harry glanced at his cock and back to Louis. He merely raised an eyebrow, flipped Louis over and set to work. He dragged his cock over Louis' lower back and between his buttcheeks a couple of times before he pushed in and set a pace that sent him and Louis over the edge much too soon. But that was okay, as they were both spent. 

Louis couldn't be bothered with getting up. He had cleaned himself with a handful of tissues from the bedside table, trusting Harry to bring a wet cloth and a towel. So when they lay under the covers a little later, cuddling and sleepy, Harry whispered in his ear: "So, a maritime themed wedding then. Can't wait for the wedding night, when the mere idea turns us on like that."

Louis chuckled and smiled into the dark before the finally fell asleep to the comforting sound of Harry's breathing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas time and a good start of 2016. I am sorry I didn't update earlier but the recent events made it difficult for me to concentrate on the fluffy stuff. Positive thing though, the story is now finished in my head, some later chapters already penned down. Tried to fix the comments section, looking forward to reading what you think.

Not that it was extremely difficult to get hold of Niall and Liam, but it was tedious to make them see the urgency of coming to London without giving away the news. It took several face-time efforts from both of them to make Niall even consider putting down the golf clubs for a second and leaving the Emerald Isle for 24 hours. So in the end they had to play dirty to achieve their goal. They designated Harry to put on a show.

He sat at the dining table, a vast assortment of make-up products littered on the table and an eager Louis in front of him. They had Lottie on Skype, who had rolled her eyes for good measure at first, but was now giggling exitedly, never saying no to be partners in crime with her beloved brother and, of course, Harry, because everyone loves Harry.

"Okay", Lottie started, "first of all you need a foundation lighter than the colour of his skin, so he looks really pale."

Louis picked a shade he deemed suitable and started to apply the product by gently drawing the wedge over Harry's face. For a moment he got lost in the sight before him. Harry's face was turned slightly upwards, bent a little to the left. His eyes were closed, his lips curved into a small smile, as if he was enjoying Louis' administrations. Unconsciously Louis licked his lips and started to lean in for a kiss, when he heard his sister clear her throat.

"No PDA boys, Lou just stick to the job."

Louis gave her a look that tried to express indignation, shame (not really) and frustration at the same time. With a deep sigh he returned to the task at hand. Following his sisters instructions, he picked up a brush and applied a darker shade of colour around the eyes. When Harry opened his eyes again and put on a sad face for good measure, Louis was so pleased with the heartbreaking effect of his effort that he couldn't help himself and placed a wet kiss on Harry's cheek. He immediately retreated with a nauseated look on his face.

"Why does this have to taste like shit? I wish someone would invent edible make-up with nice flavours like chocolate or vanilla or raspberry or whatever. Sis, you should look into that, could make you rich and famous, you know."

Lottie sighed and mockingly scolded her brother: "It tastes like that so you two refrain from indecent behaviour at least sometimes for short amounts of time."

Of course she could have told him that these things already existed, but now she had a wonderful idea for an unconventional wedding present, cringing internally at the thought of what these two love-sick idiots would do with the stuff.

And right on cue Harry chimed cheerfully: " I would totally love edible make-up."

That was the moment when Lottie decided to end the call and leave these childish lunatics to themselves.

Now it was time to proceed to part two of their plan. They watched the crucial scene of 'The Notebook' together, which prompted tears to spill from Harry's eyes within the blink of an eye - drumroll and onwards to the final act. Harry made himself comfortable on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, cuddling a pillow, the laptop placed on his thighs. Louis huddled up to the other end of the couch, out of sight of the camera. Luck was on their side when Niall almost immediately answered their call.

"Oh my God, Harry, what happened? You look a little distressed", Niall stated with a worried look on his face. The men on the couch, somewhere in London, rejoiced, Louis by grinning smugly and Harry by letting the corners of his mouth drop a bit more and releasing a sob through quivering lips. Louis squinted, looking like a little Chihuahua. Harry's acting skills could be frightening, when he really had his mind set on something.

"It's Louis," a heartbreaking sigh followed the name, "He does not want to be enganged to me anymore. Told me it's time to move on." Harry covered his face with his hands.

Niall looked utterly shocked: "NO, I cannot believe that. This must be a misunderstanding."

"No, it's a fact. he is already looking at places to go. Wants it over and done with as soon as possible. I am frightened, Niall, it is too much to deal with."

Niall cooed sympathetically: "Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to talk to Louis? Did he give any reasons for this?"

Another deep sigh escaped Harry's mouth: "To be honest, I could need a friend here, right now. Would it be asking too much, if I wanted you here just for a day or two? But, if you are busy, don't worry I can manage."

As expected Niall's heart burst with compassion and he switched to hero-mode instantly: "I won't have that. Just try to relax. I'll take the next flight and will be with you in a couple of hours. Don't worry, we'll sort this out." And with that he ended the call.

Harry and Louis high-fived and giggled, because, knowing Niall, he would contact Liam asap and it was a safe bet that the two of them would turn up on their doorstep together. Harry scrunched his face and wrinkled his nose: "This stuff itches like hell."

He managed to glance at Louis seductively and pleadingly at the same time: " Lou, care to help me get this off my face?"

Truth be told, saying no to Harry was never really an option, so Louis melted under his lover's gaze and swiftly moved to the bathroom to get the necessary utensils. Harry, never short of creative outbursts to spice up the dullest things, followed on Louis' heels.

Harry sat down on the edge of the bathtub and for the second time that day turned his beautiful face slightly upwards to look at Louis expectantly. Louis wet a flannel and began to wipe the make-up off gently. He started on the forehead, going from left to right and back again, stroking back the soft, short fluff at Harry's hairline with the other hand. Harry made little happy sounds, always enjoying having his hair played with or his scalp massaged. "Please don't stop", he mumbled. Louis could actually feel all tension evaporating as Harry became all pliant under his hands. Almost reverently he let the flannel make its way down the nose, around the lips and over the chin to the sensitive skin at Harry's throat. The aspiring thespian had eventually closed his eyes, eyelids fluttering softly. Louis got lost in the sight for a tiny moment before he started planting teasing kisses on the cleaned parts, rubbing the flannel first along the right temple and then the left one. Harry started moaning and lifted his hands, which had rested on his own thighs, to firmly grab Louis' hips and pull him closer into the V of his legs.

Louis threw the flannel over his shoulder, not caring in the slightest where the thudding noise came from, when the fabric touched down, because Harry's hands made their way upwards underneath his shirt rubbing circles on his bare skin. Louis placed his hands over his lover's ears and started an erotic massage of the tender area behind, while he bent down to suck in Harry's lower lip and lick it with his tongue. Although their current location wasn't the most comfortable place in the house they couldn't be bothered to move. As soon as Louis felt Harry's tongue playfully teasing his lips in return, he opened his mouth and enjoyed the moist heat welcoming him. They both loved kissing and got totally lost in the moment. It didn't take long before they both felt the need to have more than their mouths and tongues touching and they moved even closer together, intensifying their grip and grinding against the other one wherever they could make their bodies meet. Within minutes they shed their clothes, devouring the sight of each other and tracing the tattoos on their chests with lascivious movements. Harry looked at him with glassy eyes and moaned: "Wanna feel you inside of me."

Hearing Harry say that made Louis want to burst with love. Throughout the years their lovemaking had changed profoundly. In the beginning it had been all hormones and curiosity, boundless energy and the need for confirmation. Now it was the mating of souls as well as bodies, coming home and finding peace, leaving everything behind and reliving pure love over and over again. Not that their sex was less hot or playful, quite the opposite, but they both knew that what made it really worthwhile were all those great little things that also made them unfalteringly faithful, because this infinite trust and fearlessly giving up all control was the greatest aphrodisiac of all.

And that was why having Harry say what he just said, sometimes was as good as the real thing. Louis smiled and dragged Harry into the bedroom, where they settled on the large bed, wrapped around each other, kissing and smiling and caressing with no intention at all to take this any further for now. Eventually they both dozed off for a bit and when they surfaced again, they just got up and dressed, still smiling as they continued the tedious job of planning a wedding. Louis snickered, when he realiezed that Liam had tried to contact him at least a dozen times on his mobile. He felt a little bit guilty of tricking their bandmates like that, but as it was for the higher purpose of him and Harry enjoying the dumbfounded looks on the other lads' faces when they break the news, it was definitely a condonable sin. 

A couple of hours, wedding cakes, table decorations and matching suits later the door bell rang. Louis rubbed his hands in anticipation and got up as Harry went to the kitchen to fetch the champagne.

Louis opened the front door meeting the confused looks of Niall and Liam. "And what exactly took you so long?", he said scoldingly, turned on his heels and went back to his spot on the couch. Harry came in from the kitchen with the bottle of bubbly and the glasses as their guests entered the room as well.

While Liam looked at them like a lost and confused puppy, Niall had literally little puffs of steam coming out of his ears and nose ready to blow off: "Don't tell me this is just another one of your silly pranks. I swear I'll kick your sorry arse all the way to Doncaster , if you don't come up with a very good reason asap." 

"My arse is much to pretty to be sorry, thank you very much", Louis retorted and smiled at Liam angelically, "and now I know again, why I want Liam to be my best man and let Harry put up with you." 

Niall was still to enraged to really let Louis' words sink in and said: "Harry, I'm a bit disappointed you joined that, WHAT!"

Liam was already wrapping himself around Louis to share the enthusiasm about the surprise news, when Niall inhaled sharply, getting his brain to process Louis' announcement and glancing at Harry with bafflement.

Harry just grinned sheepishly, shrugged his shoulders and pulled Niall into an embrace to shut him up. 

When Niall was finally able to use his mouth again, he cooed: "You want me to be your best man, really?" Harry simply nodded and the Irish lad blurted out: "Goddamn, open the bottle, what are you waiting for?"

If the number of empty bottles was an indicator of Liam's and Niall's joy, they were in heaven. The look on their faces the next morning hinted more in the direction of hell. They were all deplorably hungover and Liam made them promise, that they would definitely only get married once, because his stomach wouldn't be able to survive another go. Niall apologized beforehand for his best man's speech, as he was pretty sure the amount of alcohol had killed so many brain cells that he would not be able to figure out one coherent sentence. Harry and Louis refrained from saying anything at all and cautiosly tiptoed back to bed when the front door closed painfully silent on the leaving guests.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for taking so long to update, but the boys make it really difficult to concentrate by creating their own little wedding AU, while tormenting us with that other unpleasant stuff at the same time. Hope you enjoy it nonetheless.

It was really wonderful how everyone they told in person just freaked out in the best possible way. They were supported by so many people it made them dizzy. On the other hand the more people knew about the upcoming nuptials the greater was the risk of the news leaking to the general public uncontrollably. So they had to come up with a plan to go public and to do so fast. 

While they were still contemplating their options, the solution was presented to them on a silver platter. On the list of their closest and dearest friends were of course Nick Grimshaw and James Corden, who had both asked if Harry and Louis wanted to break the news on their shows. The hay couple weighed the pros and cons of a British radio show versus an US late night TV show and decided to do both. Knowing that a lot of fans believed that Louis and Nick didn’t get on well, because of ancient stories implying more than flirting between Harry and Nick, Louis would do the BBC Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick and they would both go to L.A. to do The Late Late Show with James. Once the decision had been made they left the details to their teams and focused on the more pressing items on their to-do list.

Their favourite occupation was the search for a location, although it was more complicated than they thought. They would cuddle up on the couch or in bed and browse through the options. In the end they had a short list of 3 lighthouses on the west coast of Scotland. Two of them offered tourist accommodation and were therefore equipped to deal with a larger group of people and had the necessary facilities. The third one could be hired as a whole and would need the most effort, but was unfortunately the most picturesque. They decided to go and visit all three of them for final evaluation in due time, really looking forward to disgustingly romantic weekends far away from the public eye. 

The rest of the tasks were divided between them according to their preferences. Harry would deal with the cake, the flowers and the decorations, while Louis would try to find a minister or someone to officiate the wedding, as they had not yet decided if they wanted a religious element or not. Louis was also in charge of the wedding suits, as, opposed to public belief, he had indeed a very good sense of style and was quite peculiar about his formal wear.

Officially Harry was the one in charge of the rings, which meant going to numerous jewellers and finding the one and only. Secretly Louis had already designed unique weddings bands and had commissioned a goldsmith to make them. Of course they were platinum, but with delicate golden engravings of their intertwined initials H and L, , the infinity symbol and a little bear. There would be two dates engraved on the inside, first their actual wedding date and second the date, when they first met on the X-Factor, as that was when their amazing love story had started. Extra special would be the addition of an aquamarine stone on the inside of Harry's ring and an emerald on the inside of Louis' ring. As Louis was an awful tease he would dismiss all of Harry’s suggestions for the rings and then, when the danger of mayhem was imminent, he would present them to the love of his life at a romantic date.

And, to be quite honest, he just loved that he could do most of his assignments relaxed, sitting down, without bothering to leave the house. That was why he was also in charge of the music. He actually enjoyed revisiting all the songs that marked special moments of their relationship. Louis was pretty sure that Ed would come up with something amazing, but he was not going to ask, as he did not want to spoil it. He could also see Liam and Niall going the extra mile, which somehow made him think of Zayn. He furrowed his brow and bit his lower lip as this was a tricky topic. 

Zayn had been his bro/pal, the person he went to and confided in when he couldn’t talk to Harry. Yes, he had been deeply disappointed when Zayn left the band and yes, they had hardly talked since, but the guy still had a place in his heart and not having him there, on the day, would hurt. Harry saw things a little differently. He could very well do without Zayn on their wedding day and didn’t tire of saying it. They very rarely disagreed on important issues, but this was dangerous ground and they both knew it. So he decided to ask Liam for help and picked up his phone.

“Hey Payno, everything good?”  
“Course, Lou. Why do you ask? Anything amiss?”  
“Well, no, yes. Look, it’s the wedding...”  
He was rudely interrupted by Liam first making a hissing, threatening sound like an angered predator and then starting to holler at him.  
“You are not having second thoughts. Don’t you dare do that to Harry. Okay, I need to calm down. Tell me what the hell is wrong with you. No, wait, is this just another of your pranks, as the one you played on Niall and me to lure us to London?”  
Louis sighed and continued, trying very hard not to holler back.  
“I want Zayn there, Harry doesn’t. I have no idea how to resolve this, unless you do what you do best and make Haz see reason, please. Have you talked to Zayn lately?”  
“Yep, just the other day. I didn’t tell him about the wedding, as I thought it was a sore spot for all. All I can tell you is that he really misses you. He just cannot make the first step. Told me he picked up the phone several times, but well, I guess, you know the feeling.”  
“Sounds familiar. I tried myself and never had the guts to go through with it, because I am not sure if I would shout at him or beg him to move his sorry arse over here asap.”  
“Do you want me to arrange a casual meeting at my place?”  
“Yeah, maybe. But first I want you to talk to Harry. Make him see somehow, that Zayn is part of this and that him being there, would not spoil it at all. I know you can do it, Liam.”  
“Okay, let me think of something and then I give Harry a call under some pretense. So be prepared, but give me a couple of days.”  
“Thanks and by the way mate, I’d like to warn you not to plan something stupid with Niall. I swear if the two of you…”  
Again Liam interrupted him midsentence, laughing like a hyaena.  
“Well, you just have to wait and see how dignified and settled Niall and I will be. Decent as angels my friend.”  
And with that he ended the call and left Louis more worried than before. This was not a good sign. Liam and Niall were planning something and he was determined to find out what. 

When Harry returned home later that day he was carrying dozens of little cake containers from various bakeries in and around London. He carefully put them down on the table in front of Louis and exclaimed ecstatically: “You don’t believe the pleasures my taste buds were exposed to today. But don’t worry I will share it all with you.”

With that he retreated to the kitchen only to emerge again seconds later with a fork in one hand and a napkin in the other. Louis cringed only a little bit, torn between yearning for a pizza and longing to be fed by Harry, which might lead to something even better. He sat down next to Louis with expectant eyes, wiggling his eyebrows in anticipation of Louis’ hopefully exuberant reactions. He leaned forward to get the first cake, but Louis gently put a hand on his arm and said mocklingly: “Don’t you think I would appreciate this even more, if you would get rid of some of your clothes? At least take the coat off, love.”

Harry blushed and got up, bringing his hands in to undo the buttons, only to freeze in the middle of the movement staring confusedly at the fork and the napkin, he was still holding tight.  
Louis was endeared and laughed: “Do you want me to take these off you?”, he pointed at the items in Harry’s hands, “or would you rather have me help you get out of your clothes?” 

He licked his lips and let his index finger drag over the buttons in slow motion. Harry slapped his hand away with the napkin and exclaimed reproachfully: “Behave yourself, this is important. I don’t want our guests to not like our wedding cake and talk about it forever. They have to be so overwhelmed that they will gush over it at every occasion.”

Louis sighed, took the fork and the napkin and sat down again. This was going to be a tedious business, Harry hurried to get rid of his coat and his boots and sat down on the couch, folding his legs lotus style, simultaniously making grabby hands at Louis to get the fork back. 

The first cake looked like yellow jelly, but was very creamy and tasted of lemons, Louis had to admit he liked it. The second one was a sinful chocolate vanilla cheesecake, that actually made him moan. Next was a fluffy, spongy sort of vanilla cake and really swoon-worthy. It was followed by various fruity cakes, bombarding his senses with the taste of strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, peaches and God know's what. Not really bad stuff, but not his first choice. 

As often in life the best was saved for last and Louis was sure that Harry had held that one back on purpose. It was a salted-butter toffee cake with caramel creme on top and it was beyond delicious. He rolled his eyes ecstatically and brought his hands up to Harry's face to pull him in for a kiss. Harry let out a contented groan and willingly parted his lips to get his fair share of salted-butter toffee spiced up with an extra dose of Louis. They were kissing on and on, until they could taste nothing but love and arousal and themselves, that having been their favourite flavour for a very long time.

Somehow they were not quite sure how cake tasting lead to making out naked on the couch, but they didn't really mind. When, in due time, they had each made it through a damn satisfying orgasm they came full circle by finishing up all the yummy treats, Harry had so prudently collected during the day. Therefore it was not really a surprise when Harry made himself comfortable on the couch, crossing his ankles and folding his hands over his tummy, smugly calling out his soon-to-be spouse: "And what have you achieved today, baby? Tell me all about it."

Louis knit his brows and sighed. He didn't want to ruin the good mood by reminiscing about his Zayn nostalgia and the subsequent call to Liam, so he decided to use a little white lie to preserve Harry's smile for the rest of the day. 

"Well, I actually wanted to make progress on the suit front, but then I suddenly had this wonderful idea for my vows and, sorry love, I got completely lost. So, please forgive me, that I sort of come up empty handed today. I'll make up for it tomorrow, promise."

Harry frowned and Louis almost had a heart attack, because he was afraid to be exposed, but quite the opposite happened.

"Oh Lou, I wish i could read it. I bet it is beautiful. I have been wrecking my mind, but nothing worthy of the moment pops up." 

"Don't worry. I am sure you will come up with the most wonderful vow, as long as you refrain from including a 'knock, knock' in there somewhere."

Harry smacked his bottom with mocked indignation and insisted that his jokes were just to intelligent and sophisticated for most people, but actually quite ingenious. Louis supressed a sassy comment that instantly came to his mind and instead kissed Harry out of his mind, until the impertinent ring of Harry's mobile put an end to what could have been a very pleasurable exercise in making love.

It was of course Liam, who, not for the first time, chose the wrong moment for the right cause. Harry, still a little blissed out by the way the cake tasting went, let out a small sigh and answered the call with an apologetic shoulder shrug towards Louis. Harry kept his responses brief, determined to continue worshipping Louis' body asap. But then, it seemed, Liam skipped whatever small talk and advanced to the important stuff. Harry froze, then left the room angrily and made sure to slam the door shut with a loud thud. Louis held his breath for a moment and tried to think of a calming mantra, preparing for the moment, when Harry would re-enter the room and would definitely get very vocal about Liam's intervention. He almost felt sorry for his bandmate, as it was always quite frightening to be on the receiving end of Harry's tantrums. After 30 minutes of waiting he decided to go check on his boyfriend, but was stopped dead in his tracks, when he heard the front door close forcefully.

Of course this had happened before and Louis knew that Harry sometimes took off to calm down and collect his thoughts, when he was afraid that his words would unnecessarily hurt someone. He would probably just drive around for a while, listening to his favourite music or call someone, whose advice he trusted. By the time he would return to Louis his anger had usually dissipated and they could sit down and solve the problem. 

Knowing that he was at least partly to blame, Louis guiltily picked up his laptop and actually tried to work on his vows. About an hour later he had achieved something that deemed appropriate, although he was pretty sure that no language in the world held the words that could describe his feelings for Harry. But for now he had a starting point, he reread the text out loud for good measure: 'I stand here today with you in front of our family and friends because loving you makes me the happiest man on earth every minute of every day of forever. I want to make it my only purpose to make you laugh joyfully, rest peacefully, live absolutely, love fearfully and rest peacefully with me by your side for forever and beyond. I want to be your inspiration as you are mine. I promise I will be the rope to your anchor, the compass to your ship and the dagger to your rose. I know there will be sad moments and moments of anger, but when we will look back, hopefully at a point far away in the distant future, there will never be a day when I doubt my love for you and I will do everything I can to never make you doubt your love for me.' Holy shit, this sounded so sappy, but he loved it, cocksure that he was going to rewrite it numerous time until the special day, probably making up new vows as he was staring into Harry's green eyes during the ceremony.

He got up restlessly and wandered through the house, longing to look at Harry, touch him, tell him that he loved him. But he had to be patient. So he decided to take a warm shower, go to bed with a cup of tea and try to distract himself by watching TV. Well, he got through the shower part alright when, to his big surprise, he found Harry sitting on the window sill, holding a cup of tea and smiling at him apologetically. Louis sat down on the bed returning the smile and the notion. 

"I guess you know why Liam called. I am sorry that I overreacted, but that topic has been nerve-wrecking for too long. I really don't want to get into it right now, we've been there so often. But I made my peace with it. If you want Zayn at our wedding, invite him. Maybe this is the time to make a fresh start and to be honest, the bottom line is that Zayn has been a friend on more days than not. Give him a call and invite him over."

Louis was aware that this was a huge step for Harry, that he was doing it for Louis' sake. So Louis got up and in order to lighten the mood he said: "I rather take the cuppa now, I bet it has cooled down nicely in your capable hands." Harry snorted with laughter and brought the cup out of Louis' reach: "Kisses for tea, Lou. You know the rules." Now it was Louis' time to snort but he obliged willingly, knowing that this would be one of the uncounted cups of cold tea to be disposed of in the morning, because they got so lost in each other that tea was the farthest thing on their minds. 

Louis elegantly dropped the towel, wrapped seductively around his hips, while Harry hastily discarded his clothes, stumbling to the bed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took so long, but this is honestly more difficult than I tought. In addition this story will get much longer than planned and has, in my head, taken an unexpected turn. So please, don't give up on me.

Louis’ head rested against the headrest of the driver’s seat, he was completely relaxed. His fingers were beating the rhythm of the song, drifting through the car, on the steering wheel. He glanced to his left where Harry was mirroring his own laidback posture in the passenger seat, softly singing along to ‘Thinking out loud’. Although Harry was dreamily looking out of the side window, as the unearthly beautiful Scottish landscape passed by, his right hand was languidly caressing Louis’ thigh. It was a shame the blissful weekend in the remote lighthouse was over too soon. It had turned out that the whole idea was actually cute, but crap. Nevertheless the time alone, far away from the hustle and bustle of civilization, had been perfect. 

Louis was distracted from his reminiscences as Harry chuckled softly and fingered his mobile out of his jeans’ pocket. With swift movements he opened his twitter account. A grin spread across his face as he finally lowered his thumb on something Louis couldn’t see due to the angle. 

“What in God’s name are you doing?” 

Louis was curious as hell and it drove him mad, when he didn’t know what was going on.

Harry looked up and smacked a wet kiss on Louis’ cheek, then he turned the display of his phone so that his fiancé could see. Louis’ jaw dropped and he looked at the other man incredulously. His gorgeous boy had retweeted the AIMH tweet that he, himself, had originally sent on Oct 2, 2011, because he could fucking let the world know back then, how he felt about Harry. The fans had always appreciated it a lot and it was kind of the mantra of their relationship.

Maybe it was time for a new mantra. He stopped the car in the middle of the road, as they were miles away from any other living soul and he couldn’t care less anyway. He looked at Harry, fisted his shirt and pulled him into his arms. After a long, hot kiss with a lot of tongue moving and soft moaning, he searched for his own mobile and eventually found it in the door pocket. He opened his twitter and started typing, while Harry was hovering over his shoulder, chin resting on Louis’ shoulder. 

When Louis finished typing he wiggled the phone in front of Harry’s nose and asked: “What do you think?”

Harry stared at the words and frowned: “You know what will happen. The fans will go mental. And we sort of promised Nick and James.”

“I know, but I am just quoting a song. If anyone jumps to conclusions, it’s not our fault.”

He pressed tweet and the message spread around the globe.  
‘GOING TO THE CHAPEL, GONNA GET M*****D’, which was followed by a blue and a green heart for the slow-witted. Harry chuckled and planted another kiss on Louis’ cheek.

“Anyway, let’s get home. This calls for a celebration and I know exactly the place for it.”

He gave Louis a seductive look and languidly licked his lips, before he relaxed into his seat again. Louis sighed, shook his head and stepped on the gas pedal with determination. A two-hour-drive to Inverness, a 90-minute-flight to London and another short drive from the airport home later they arrived back at their house. As beautiful as the weekend had been, it was always good to be back home. Here, within in their own four walls, they could be all carefree and let their guard down completely. By now they were really looking forward to confirming their relationship and announcing their wedding to the public. 

After a quick shower just for cleansing and refreshing purposes, they raided the fridge for a late snack and made themselves comfortable on their bed with a cheese and fruit plate between them. While Louis went through his mails, Harry couldn’t help but check the reactions to Louis’ tweet. As expected it was mixed emotions all over the place. Some thought Louis was just mocking either Larries or Antis, depending on the writer. Some called out Harry to tweet a reply, many were just utterly confused and searched for clues. So it was the usual division throughout the fanbase with a basic consensus – nobody seemed to believe that Louis was actually serious about getting married to anyone. It was just hilarious.

The annoying part though was, that all their family members and close friends were bombarded with asks aswell. Harry had always hated that a lot of fans had taken it for granted that family and friends had an obligation to take part and therefore no right for privacy. Harry glanced over at Louis, who was typing away on his laptop, which usually meant that he was answering business-related stuff and wanted to avoid typos, which sometimes happened with the small phone screen, as well as having access to a lot of relevant data that he only kept on the laptop for safety reasons. Although Harry thought that Business-Louis was hot, being all serious and responsible and alert, right now he wanted to cuddle. But he knew how to be patient, so he just shifted until he could rest his head on Lou’s shoulder and wrap his leg over the other man’s crossed ones. He blew a soft kiss on Louis’s shoulder and took a deep intake of the intoxicating signature smell that was so Louis, that would make Harry find his lover everywhere with his eyes closed. Not that is was a strong smell or in any way repulsive, but it was that mix of freshly showered skin, individual body odour and nicotine. Louis acknowledged his presence by slightly shifting his hip closer and caging Harry’s foot between his ankles. Without taking his eyes off the screen he soflty mumbled: “I won’t be long, love.”

Harry purred contentedly and let his mind wander back to the time at the lighthouse. It had been magic. The moment they left the last village behind and proceded on the winding single track road through an almost barren, moon-like landscape. A soothing silence encompassed them and they relaxed more with every mile they covered. The view, when the lighthouse finally came into sight, was breathtaking. The spotless white building stood almost sparkling against the sunlit pale blue sky and the glistening darker blue surface of the Minch. They stepped out of the car with almost reverent amazement. And as if to give them a special welcome a school of dolphins broke through the water’s surface , painting silvery dots and their loud chattering sound filled the air. Louis and Harry let out enchanted laughs as they walked to the reception area. 

A lovely lady showed them to their room on the first floor with the most stunning sea views. Apparently she didn’t even recognise their names, which was highly appreciated, but at the same time not really a surprise, as the lighthouse had no mobile phone reception, no WiFi and the TV depended on the weather. Dinner was served at 7, there was no choice menu and the peat-coloured water needed getting used to. They were prepared for the no-alcohol situation and had brought some beer and wine, which was absolutely fine with their hosts. There were no other guests as it was quite early in the year and the tourist season had not yet started. So after unpacking their stuff and enjoying the simple but tasty meal, they chatted with the tenants for a while comparing the life in the metropolis to the life in this remote area. Some time later they bid the other couple goodnight and choose a boardgame of Scrabble from the guest lounge before they retired for the night. Upon entering their room they moved to the window to be overwhelmed by the unique display of Northern Lights over endless stretches of water. Harry and Louis entangled their arms and legs, pressing their bodies as close as possible, being mesmerized by the beauty of the night.

Finally they forced their eyes away from the outdoors and took in the beauty of each other and sharing this moment in this place. Their lovemaking that night was slow and quiet, in complete harmony with the nature surrounding them. They kissed endlessly, exploring each other as if it was all new, unchartered territory. When they managed to unlock their lips they muttered nonsensical endearments, because it was physically impossible to contain all the happiness that welled up inside. Their hands roamed over heated skin with languid movements as their bodies rolled against each other without purpose, each contact feathery light and fleeting. The heat built up slowly, but constantly and it might have been hours, completely lost in this sensual overload, until they couldn’t stand the arousal anymore. But neither of them wanted to move or make this about one of them taking control, so they just wrapped their hand around each other’s cock, rubbing their groins against one another for friction, until the tension was unbearable. They finished each other off, stalling and speeding, in perfect harmony, coming together, the fusion of their bodily fluids only slightly gross, but mostly bliss. 

When they came down from their high, they carefully moved apart, trying not to make to much of a mess on the bed they had to spend the night in. With a contented sigh they dropped on their backs, muttering endless “I love you”s and “I love you more”s , interrupted by giggles and grunts, depending on who said what. Finally Harry rolled on his side, dipped his index finger in the puddle of cum on Louis’ stomach and drew a heart. Once he was finshed, he was rewarded with a reproving Tsk from somewhere above, but the crinkles around Louis’ amused looking eyes told a different story. Anyway, Harry smacked a loud kiss on Louis’ belly button, before he stretched and got off the bed. Entered the en-suite he turned around and intended to invite the gorgeous man on the bed to join him in the shower. 

But Louis had already fallen asleep, his face soft and his body pliant. Harry smiled and quietly shut the door. When he re-emerged a little later, he had a wet cloth in one hand and a towel in the other. Carefully he cleaned Louis tummy and soft penis, anxious not to wake him up. Shortly afterwards he dropped the fabric to the floor and got into bed, covering them both up with the cosy duvet. Harry moved as close as possible and whispered ‘I love you’ into Lou’s ear as he closed his eyes. It might have been a trick of his sleep-dazed mind, but he could have sworn, the last thing he took in was a warm chuckle and a voice whispering back ‘I love you more’.

The next day was sunny and crisp. After a late breakfast and another chat with their hosts they went for a long walk along the coast with a picknick packed in a rucksack, that Harry volunteered to carry. They saw the dolphins again and a whale somewhere at the horizon. They listened to the constant noise of the seabirds and every now and then a ship floated past in the distance. They felt completely detached from civilisation and thorougly enjoyed it. When the sun was able to warm them, they sat on a rock and shared the sandwiches and tea, they had packed. 

“This is such a beautiful place. I wish we could stay longer.”

Louis nodded: “Yeah, it is so peaceful, but I know that I can’t be disconnected like that for longer than a weekend. I am already getting itchy.”

Harry looked at him wide-eyed and said teasingly: “Am I not enough, boo?”

Louis snorted, but smiled: “It’s just that you with WiFi and mobile reception is so much better than without.” He blew Harry a kiss to soften the blow.

Harry frowned: “Must have gotten it all wrong last night. Seemed perfectly alright without WiFi and mobile reception, as far as I recall.” 

Louis grinned back: “Agreed, last night was amazing, but we can’t do that 24/7, well maybe we could, but anyway, I am not made to be a recluse, love, with or without you. Just being honest here.”

Harry hummed and said nothing for a long while, then he sighed: “I know you’re right, but it’s nice to dream sometimes. This is so peaceful, nobody wants something from us, no schedule to check. It’s good to have no obligations for once.”

Louis agreed by pulling Harry in for a hot kiss, that lasted until a chill ran down Louis’ spine. Determinedly he got up and said: “It’s freezing, let’s get back.”

Harry laughed: “It’s not freezing, it’s maybe a bit chilly. But let’s get you all warm and cosy, before the mood is ruined.”

With no hurry he packed the remnants of their lunch into the rucksack, while Louis demonstratively jumped up and down and wrapped his arms around himself, uttering small huffs of indignation. 

Back at the lighthouse, they gratefully took a plate of home-made shortbread up to their room, made some tea and cosied up under the covers. Finally they cuddled up like kittens and took a long nap. As it was not yet dinner time, when they woke up, they decided on a game of Scrabble, losing it soon enough and on purpose misspelling as much words as they could and reprimanding each other by fierce tickling, sneaky pinching, soft punching and gentle biting wherever they could reach. Soon enough their tummies ached from laughing and they dropped back on the bed, smiling at each other goofily. Life could be so easy sometimes. 

Hungrily they let their gazes roam over each other’s body, but after almost six years together they could deal very well with the anticipation and quite enjoyed a long foreplay of only flirting with words and occasional touches. A lingering kiss and a warm smile later they got ready for dinner and enjoyed the simple but exquisite meal of fresh local products. Louis couldn’t remember what he ate or even if he ate at all, because the way Harry made an almost pornographic display of every bite he took, turned him on so much, that his brain shut down completely and his senses took over his body. He felt like he was on fire. His mouth was dry, his skin tingling, his cock pulsing and Harry knew, upping his game with every bite. Who would have thought that even eating peas could be more erotic than a lap dance?

Enough was enough when Harry pierced a single pea with his fork, giving it a hungry glance and while lifting his fork, slowly licking first his upper lip, then his lower lip, retreating his tongue and biting the now glistening lower lip, before the tip of his tongue came out again. He placed the fork with the single pea on it and slightly bent the tip upwards as he slowly pulled back the fork. When the fork and the pea parted, he opened his mouth and caught the pea between his teeth. Locking eyes with Louis Harry lowered his eyelids as he crunched the pea in slow motion and let out a sated moan. He chewed letting his tongue poke his cheeks on the inside, before he finally swallowed, leaning his head back so that the bobbing of his adam’s apple became quite prominent.  
Louis moaned desperately and hissed: “No more eating. Bed now.”

Harry grinned widely and fluttered his eyelashes: “Whatever you want, Lou.” With that he got up and moved his luxurious body towards the staircase, brushing his hips past Louis’ shoulders. Louis dropped his head in his hands with a sigh and followed, because everything else was out of the question even if his life depended on it. And he prayed to God that this would never change as long as they both would live. 

With this kind of foreplay it was a sure thing that Harry would top tonight. Not that it was important, they kind of shared that really. But over the years they had learned to read each other without having to talk and Harry’s whole attitude during the day had been a build-up to this. Louis was okay with that. Right now he was so relaxed, that he had no problem, giving over control for the time being. When he was stressed or brooding over something, he would be the one pushing Harry on, less teasing, more demanding than Harry. But they were quite generous to each other, honestly believing that this was one of the things that made their relationship work so perfectly.

So hours later they were both exhausted and blissed out, their bodies gross with sweat, cum and saliva, but at the same time feeling marvelous and adorable.  
“If this were one of the numerous fanfics about us, we would have another go in the shower right now”, Harry joked.  
Louis agreed: “At least! I’d say blowjobs in the shower and a lazy handjob, before we finally fall asleep.”

Harry groaned: “What a horrible torture, sex as a high performance sport. Well, I probably would have fancied that, when I was 16, but now, no thanks.”

Louis chuckled: “ You did fancy that when you were 16. I witnessed it. Are we getting old or sloppy, love?” 

“I guess, we just realised, that sex might be important, but it is just one of many ingredients of a healthy relationship. So as much as I love making love to you, my life doesn’t revolve around having sex with you, but around having you. Does that make sense?”

“Of course, Haz. You know, to me, you always make sense. And what you just said was actually quite sweet and deep. I take it as a compliment. And as age comes before beauty I get to shower first, unless you want to join me”, Louis wiggled his eyebrows and disappeared in the bathroom.

Harry followed like a dog on a leash.

“So fanfic comes to live after all? What will it be then, blow job or hand job?”, Louis asked expectantly.

Harry looked at him gently and smiled: “Hm, well how about a hair scrub and a back rub?”

Louis pulled him under the the water, cascading from the shower head, and laughed: “Sounds perfect.”

Later they cuddled up on a chair by the window and watched the Northern Lights again, afraid to go to sleep as they didn’t want to miss any of this beautiful spectacle of nature. At the break of dawn they finally went to bed, too tired to stay awake any longer, dreading the tedious way back to London.

So here Harry was back in London, still waiting for Louis to put that laptop aside and focus on his husband-to-be. He let out a startled sound, when Louis adressed him out of the blue.

“As much as I loved it up in Scotland, I think we have to reconsider. A lighthouse is no place for a big scale wedding. We have to look for alternatives quickly, probably something a bit more conventional, like a hotel.”

Harry hummed in agreement: “But I still love the idea of having the ceremony on a yacht or ship. I hate to admit it, but we should get a professional planner in.”

“Yes!”, Louis exclaimed, “I knew you would finally come to that conclusion. Love, you are so, so smart. I love you for that. A wedding planner will do all the tedious and boring stuff and we can concentrate on the stuff that makes us happy.”

Harry eyed his future husband dubiously: “You are voluntarily giving up control? Who are you and where is Lou?”

Teasingly he lifted the duvet and poked Louis wherever he could reach, soon having his hand clasped in an iron grip and moved up, so that Louis could kiss all of his fingertips one after the other.  
As sleep took its toll Harry rolled over on his other side, pulling Louis along by the hand, the other man still held. He sighed contentedly when Louis spooned him from behind and placed a soft kiss on his neck.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it has been a long time and I apologize, but life got in the way and the current state of things made me change the storyline. So this is a plot twist and the happy ending has been postponed. There will be heartbreak, tears and suffering, so be warned. Nevertheless I hope you will keep enjoying this.

Louis was nervous. Louis hated being nervous. As much as he had wanted to keep the rings a secret until the last minute, it was not going to happen. Harry was really getting a bit bitchy about it lately and unfortunately the wedding-planner chimed in as well, because of course Harry had charmed the pants off the lady, who now looked at Louis, whenever they met, like he was the devil in disguise. He sighed. So, change of plan. Tonight was the night. He had collected the rings from the goldsmith and arranged a tooth-achingly romantic dinner for the two of them. 

He checked himself in the mirror one more time and went downstairs patting his trouser pocket for the umpteenth time to make sure the rings were where they belonged. Harry was waiting by the front door, pouting a little, but his eyes gleamed warm and lovingly.  
“Well, well, look who finally made it. As much as I appreciate the notion, you are not going to wrap me round your little finger again. Tomorrow we will go ring hunting.”  
“Whatever you say, love. I’m all up for it. Now let’s get you to that new Moroccan place you have been on about for ages.”

“Lou, it’s new, so I cannot have been on about it for ages. Stop being so obnoxious. “  
“Come on Haz, you love it when I am obnoxious.” Louis put on his sweetest smile and wiggled his eyebrows. Harry couldn’t help but start laughing and smacked Louis’ arse in passing.  
“Oh Lord, give me strength, wait until we get home, babe.”  
“Counting on it, love. Don’t let me down.”

Everything went smoothly well. The restaurant was breath-taking, the waiter discreet and the food amazing. The private dining room was decorated like a Bedouin tent, plush cushions in brocade and silk littered the floor around a low table of polished mahogany. Dozens of lantern in different shapes and sizes, made of coloured glass, cast a warm light across the room. Oriental music floated softly through the scented air. There was a lot of happy flirting going on at their table, the whole package with gentle touches, smouldering glances and playing footsie not under, but alongside the table.

The waiter had just cleared away the dessert plates and refilled their champagne flutes, when Louis deemed the right moment had come. He reached into his pocket and suddenly his head felt heavy, his eyelids drooped and his vision got blurry. The sounds of the restaurant became muffled. He felt like falling, being covered in cotton wool. He tried to fight the feeling of slipping away, but deep down knew he was fighting a losing battle.

Louis panicked, when he felt something wet on his face. Oh, please, no! No fainting now, not before he could show the rings to Harry. He struggled to stay in the moment, reaching out to cling to his spouse to be, but only holding on to empty air. He sobbed painfully and then everything went black.

He had no idea how much timed had passed, when he surfaced again. He could still feel the wetness on his cheeks, when the memories came crashing down on him. Harry – for a short eternity that name was all his brain could process, before reality slowly sank in. He was afraid to open his eyes, but that wasn’t even necessary. 

His head was buried in the torturing softness of a pillow, his naked body painfully smothered by a silken duvet. Slowly, very slowly, he moved his eyelids and took in the crushing emptiness of his bedroom. He rolled onto his right side and collapsed into a tight ball, pulling his knees against his chest and circling his arms around his shins, his whole form shaking. Wave after wave after wave of self-pity, self-loathing and utter despair washed over him. He knew he had been a mess for the past six months, but why this intense dream now? He could hardly cope with his miserable days, always glad to escape to the realms of oblivion in the few hours of sleep. He didn’t need to be reminded what a loser he was 24/7. He grabbed his phone, which was dead as almost always lately. Not dead like out of battery, more like dead as in nobody talking to him. And, truth be told, he had only himself to blame, because he was a coward. 

He sat up against the headboard and took in the silence. He had actually learned to hate silence. Back in the hectic days of 1D he had loved the quiet moments, so peaceful and rare. But he had also loved waking up to the small noises of Harry roaming around the house, preparing breakfast, cleaning up their living-room mess, humming in the bathroom, softly snoring next to him. Harry was gone though. Louis had finally driven him away with his refusal to come out. Although his family and friends and some colleagues knew that he was gay and in a relationship with his bandmate, it had never been confirmed publicly. Louis liked it that way, saw no need to expose his most private side to total strangers. As much as he loved their fans and was grateful for their support, there were limits to his commitment. He still could recapture the whole conversation the two of them had had about it.

“Lou, I don’t want to go on like this. I mean, everyone, really everyone assumes that we are not straight and in a relationship. We hinted at it with 10-foot poles, for God’s sake. The bears, the way we acted during the last tour and promo season. Confirming it is nothing now. I want it out, no more speculating, second-guessing and no more stunting.”

Harry had been leaning against the chest of drawers in their bedroom, bracing himself, his whole body tense and closed off as was his face. Louis had sighed and wiggled up to the headboard of the bed until he had found a comfortable position sitting up. He had guessed that this would be the only thing comfortable for the time being.

“I just don’t want it out here. It is the last piece of myself that is really mine. I don’t want to share every last bit of my soul, of who I am with the world outside. I already feel so exposed, that I need it for my sanity to have the feeling that I can control at least a small part of my life.”

In his head it had all made very good sense, but a look at Harry’s face had raised doubts that he had been able to bring the message across.  
“But isn’t the gossiping worse? Reading the half-truths and the lies makes me feel like I have no control. Saying who I am will give me back control. Can’t you see that? We wouldn’t have to hide anymore, never again pretend. That sounds like heaven to me.”

Harry had made it sound like a walk in the park. It was fascinating how their attitude towards their situation had changed through the years. In the very beginning when their label and management had decided that their relationship was not marketable and therefore needed to be well hidden, if it could not be erased, Harry had been the one to suffer quietly, while Louis had harassed those in charge for more leeway. Along the way both of them had finally played by the inhuman rules forced upon them. But then Harry had had enough and dropped so many hints that the fans and the public had started to question his sexuality and he had pushed the door of his closet cautiously, but constantly. At first Louis had been hopeful and resurrected the more flamboyant side of his personality, but it was not meant to happen and he had been the one to have second thoughts and sent his true self back to hibernation, unable to see the right way to handle the situation.

“And what happens, if it backfires? When it is out there, you can never take it back. What if it ruins our careers, what if we ruin the band?”  
This was no idle excuse. Louis really felt responsible, not only for himself, but also and foremost for his bandmates. Their professional future had to be considered as well, although he knew that they would support him and Harry with whatever they chose to do. 

“That is why the hiatus is the perfect moment. By the time we get One Direction on the road again every media outcry will have died down. And if we lose some fans because of it, we will gain new ones to compensate that. It will give us a lot of new opportunities, support the LGBT+ community more openly, support charities.”

Louis had sighed again. Of course Harry had to point out the philanthropic aspect, talking about responsibilities Louis had not been ready to fully commit to. Being a role model was not something he was comfortable with. 

“Sorry, but I thought the hiatus was about giving each one of us space to be ourselves and for once not have to think about fans and media and public opinion. I just want to lay low and simply be Louis.”

“I think you are selfish here. And a simple statement on our accounts is not gonna kill you. It is not like we have to do press junkets and public appearances. Just a photo with an explicit caption on Instagram will do. We can be on holiday at an unknown destination when it is posted and have our team release a text that we agree upon beforehand.”

Harry had really thought this true, a whole masterplan at hand. Louis' head had started spinning, a headache coming on. He had not been ready. It had seemed his life depended on maintaining the status quo.  
“Well, I can see that it looks easy from where you stand, because people are much more aware about you, because you have been running around with rainbow flags and giving cheeky answers for the past year. I have just been through a hellish stunt with this baby-shit and I just want to be left alone.”

But Harry just wouldn't leave it alone, willing to torture Louis, pushing so the dice would fall in his favour.  
“And you think it wasn’t hellish for me too, to watch you being dragged through the mud and not being able to speak up. Why do you always think you’re in there alone? Has it ever occurred to you that when you’re out and our relationship public you’re safe from such atrocities?”

“Then other atrocities will come up. Do you honestly believe they will leave us alone? We will be cheating on one another whenever we are spotted with someone else. I am so tired of all of this media circus. Please give me time, maybe I will change my mind in due time. Our relationship works as it is, no need to rush.”

By that time they both had had tears in their eyes and collapsed in each other’s arms, emotionally drained and clueless how to deal with this dilemma. Harry had brought it up again and again, because it was so important to him and he wanted to come out before he went to LA to record his solo album. Some of his songs were about his struggles and his love for Lou and he wanted to make that very clear. But Louis had never been good with being pushed. The more pressure Harry had put on him the more he had stone-walled and in the end he had felt so cornered that he had packed a bag and sauntered off to Doncaster to spend some time with his mum and get her advice. 

But as he had been too stubborn to communicate his intentions, it all went south because Harry had misinterpreted his leaving note and Louis had not answered his phone in order to think properly. So when he had returned to their house and found it empty because Harry had left early for California, only having left a note that in turn Louis chose to misinterpret and that had been the end of it.

Lengthy and highly emotional conversation with his Mum had him finally admit to himself that he was willing to leave his doubts behind – for Harry, for the love they had and the future they wanted to create together. Louis actually had decided to give in to Harry’s wish should he ask again, but he still hadn't felt comfortable enough to take the first step. Then, feeling abandoned unjustly, he had sulked and stubbornly had returned to his denial. Of course he had been aware that he was probably in the wrong and that he should have made the first step, but he wanted to do it face to face when Harry came back. 

The thing was Harry never came back, because he could be stubborn too. When he had read Louis’ note, just saying:   
Going to Doncaster, need to figure out what kind of future I want, on my own. Don’t know when I’ll be back. Lou XXX 

he had thought Louis was questioning their relationship. Harry had tried in vain to contact Louis and being hurt and lost and confused he had packed a bag and flown to the States. After a last attempt to talk had been made impossible by a switched off mobile in Yorkshire he had called his management and set up a schedule for his coming out. He had felt a little guilty about it, having known that he could try and call Jay or Lottie or Fizzy to get hold of his man, but he was at a loss for words and somehow he had wanted Louis to make the first step. 

And Louis had known that he should have been the one to make the first step, at least tell Harry that he understood and that they would find a way together, as always. But silence was a killer to every relationship, even theirs. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months. 

And then Harry had done the deed. He hated to have to hold back, wanted to speak his mind and show his feelings without restrictions. He wanted the world to now that he was proud of who he was and a short press release accompanied by a photo of a beaming Harry in the recording studio informed an astonished world that indeed yet another so-called womanizer was playing for the other team. And of course Harry had been right. The tabloids and gossip sites had bent over backwards for the first 48 hours, piling rumours and insiders and comments to exhaustion, but the overall reaction had been positive. Harry had done an interview with Nick for the Morning Show and insisted that he was single and happy, open to finding the one, but putting his career first. When he was done recording, a release date was announced and Harry paid visits to radio and TV stations, talked at great length about the songs on the solo CD and the experience of doing an album without the other boys, became a vocal advocate of everything LGBTQ+ related and only hinted vaguely at his love life. No one ever mentioned Larry Stylinson and Louis had been sure the topic was blacklisted. 

At that point Louis had dragged himself out of his personal hell and decided to break the silence. He had picked up his mobile and made his finger linger forever over Harry’s name. 

No, he shied away and with a sigh put the phone down. He thought about the various options of contacting his ex-boyfriend and how he could reach out to him and really get to him. A letter, yes, a handwritten letter, honest and heartfelt should do it, should open the door to Harry’s heart. Louis got up, feeling an energy that he deemed lost a long time ago. It took him forever to find any stationary, he could use, but finally, finally, he sat down and poured his heart out.

"My dear Hazza,

I know I probably should not call you that. But in my dreams, my thoughts and my heart you still are. I will never understand why we had to end, why you ended it. And although a part of me still hopes that this is just a stupid mistake and that you will come back to me, back to the place you belong. Although I have to be honest with you. I am hurt and I am angry. I don’t know what will happen when we come face to face again, but I want it to happen. The reason I write this letter is that I want to understand what went wrong, why this was the moment to give up on us. To be honest I did not see it coming. Yes, the fear was always lingering in the back, but I could always handle it. I haven’t forgotten our fights and what they were about, but I always believed that our love was strong enough. I was sure that we could handle our differences. What I cannot handle is this, the silence, the void, the pain. Help me to get out of that vicious circle of tearing myself apart, loathing you and thus debasing the memories of you and me, of us.  
If this is too late and you don’t see a way back to us just one last time be the lover I trusted and relied on and give me a chance to move on by giving me only one good reason why you left me behind.  
Just one last time show me your compassion and give me hope that there is a light on the horizon. Make me believe that I can have a life without you.  
This is too hard, I cannot go on without you helping me to let you go.

Love Lou

PS: Don’t get me wrong, I want nothing more than you back, but I am aware that this might be an illusion."

He looked at it and wasn’t sure the words and the notion came out right, but he was exhausted and at the end of the day most of all he wanted to provoke a reaction, anything to get them talking again. So he took a shower, got dressed and made his way to the post office to get it mailed to Harry’s LA address, because that is where he still was, if you could believe the notorious gossip outlets. When he returned home he was drained of all energy and crawled back into bed although it was only 11am.

In the days that followed he tried to reorganise his life. He focused on the music again and contacted his family and close friends to present his resurrected self and collect some love and care. He decided against calling Liam and Niall, because he didn’t want them to have to choose sides, so he merely sent them texts with the essential message and received supportive and friendly replies. The reply he really waited for took its sweet time and he had almost given up hope. But then it had finally happened.  
Louis’ fingers trembled as he held the envelope with the familiar handwriting that made his heart pound erratically in his chest. He felt so shaky that he had to sit down. Painfully slow he tore the envelope apart, at the same time dreading and anticipating its content. 

"Wow, Lou, when I found your letter in the mail today, I did not expect this. I am actually at a loss for words. I thought it was all out there and you would understand. I hoped that you would be relieved for the misery to end. Because, that is what the past months, maybe even years were for me – plain misery. Yes, we had our moments, precious moments of love and happiness. But all the time I needed an incentive to keep me going and that was hope. Hope that you and I would someday be able to be a normal couple, doing all the things that every loving couple does, without having to be afraid to be found out. 

I think the secrecy and the pressure of keeping it that way finally wore me out. I hated to wake up every morning in the end, weary of the scheming and the precautions. It literally made me sick to stand next to you, if that, and pretend to be indifferent to your body, mind and soul. In the end I was happier, when I was far away from you, distracting myself became an obsession. Lying beside you in our bed was becoming the most painful thing. That was the moment when I knew we could not go on, I could not go on. And when I saw your tears, when you thought I was not looking or heard the sadness in your voice, I thought you felt the same. But I knew that it was impossible for me to talk to you, because you would have cried and begged me to stay and not lose hope and I would have given in because I love you so much. Yes, I do and l always will, but I am so tired. It makes me beyond sad, that you feel so miserable right now, I basically feel the same, as I am sure I will never again love someone as I love you, but the life we had was just not enough. 

Please try and understand and promise to move on. I know we still have a couple of months before we will have to meet again and I hope we can somehow manage by then. If you feel you cannot cope I will stay away. We will find an explanation, why I am not around, that will satisfy the world outside. I have not told anyone yet, other than my mum and sister and, of course, Niall and Liam, but I will be open with anyone close, who asks. So be prepared for compassionate and tearful calls and messages from some. I do not know what else to say, I thought I was over the hardest part, but right now I just want to be held by you and hear your beautiful voice murmuring comforting nonsense in my ears.   
Goodbye Lou."

Despite the sadness oozing from every word, Louis felt relieved and hopeful. Harry still loved him, Harry was suffering just like him. So there had to be hope. Immediately he set up an answer and for the first time in a long time a smile briefly appeared on his face, when the letter was on its way across the ocean.

"Oh love, what are you doing to me? I hoped that a letter of yours would make things easier, but the opposite is the case. But to learn that you left despite being still in love with me makes it unbearable. Yes, I had my moments, when I thought I could not take it anymore, the hiding, the lying and pretending, but we always leaked bits and pieces to the world. What happened to the cheerful moments, when we would watch the videos and gifs together, happy that those, who cared, had found us out again? And when we were at home I was always blissfully happy. Waking up beside you, doings regular stuff like cooking, having meals together, relaxing in front of the telly or just cuddling on the sofa, meeting up with our families and good friends were the best moments of my life. 

The sad moments you talk about happened, when I wanted too much for the status quo to last, because I was not ready to share you with the world again. But I never felt that I could not take it anymore. And you are right, I would have fought heaven and hell, if you had told me you wanted out. You would still be by my side, if you had let me fight for you – for us. I cannot promise that I will be okay to face you again. This does not only affect our private lives, but also the other guys. So much depends on us being good with one another. I still could not bring myself to tell anyone other than my family, I am still pretending that everything can be fine, will be fine. So I would very much prefer to keep quiet about it, I am glad you have not told a soul either. I know you probably do not want to hear this, but that gives me hope. Please come home and let us find a solution, I am sure there is one. Please come back, don’t give up on us. Don’t proof the haters right, proof our love right.  
Always in my heart, Louis"

The waiting was the hardest part, but it seemed that Harry needed to let it all out just like Louis. So he didn’t have to wait long for the next letter.

"Please love, give me time. I cannot really explain what is happening to me right now. But for my sake I have to find out what I really want and need and where I want to go from here, I will not be able to make these decisions when I am around you. But I can promise you, that I will not tell anyone for now, although I talked to my sister just yesterday and she is still quite shocked and called me names, really bad ones. But she will keep quiet. So if you want to talk to someone, give her a call. You know, she loves you more than me actually. I can understand that you are reluctant to see me, but I am sure we can manage. It is a good thing, we have the promo weeks, before the tour starts, so we can gradually get used to the situation and try to work things out. Maybe we should talk to the lads though. I am sure they will be as supportive as ever. I wish I could tell you something you obviously want to hear, but I just cannot. It was so hard to make the step, it almost killed me. Pretending it never happened and going on as before is too much to ask of me right now. I am so sorry I have to say it like this, but try to move on. Because opposite to you I have always felt suffocated lately in the moments you recall as blissful. Forgive me for being so harsh, but you have to understand that I am serious about leaving that twisted stuff behind me.  
Harry"

At this point Louis had somehow still hoped that they would make it. That Harry would miss him and reconsider. In his head Louis had it all laid out. If they could get Niall and Liam on board, they could be seen together as supportive friends and bandmates, even let the rumours spread that they were working on a new 1D album. Sure the media would pick it up, but what was wrong with friends and bandmates spending time together in the studio or going to lunch together or being seen clubbing. After some time the press would get tired of commenting on the umpteenth pic of them together and they could move on with their life undisturbed.  
To Louis this sounded like a solid plan.

He had known in the back of his mind that he was still stalling and that Harry would probably not want to go there, but Louis had believed that Harry was as miserable as himself, until one morning he had woken up to photos of Harry leaving a club in New York holding hands with a man and grinning goofily. He had even been cited, saying that yes, it was still fresh, but felt amazing. Louis had started shaking, he had thrown up, he had cried rivers and then he had gone back to bed and stayed there for three full days, unable to think or move or function in any way at all. 

Louis had been unbelievably hurt, so he had pushed away everyone until finally they all stayed away. Of course family and friends had bombarded him with calls and texts. At first they had been curious why Harry had done this alone, then they had showered him with unwanted advice of how to fix this. Soon compassion had turned into pity and then lack of understanding, when Louis literally and figuratively had slammed his door in their faces.

So this was where he was now, still holed up in his house in London after four miserable months. He had tried to concentrate on song writing, which, at a later point, would proof to be the best stuff he had ever come up with. He worked out to exhaustion or spent hours in front of the telly, watching everything and nothing. And every time when he felt that he was slowly improving, some stupid article about Harry and David had pulled him under again. By now he knew more about that guy than he could stomach. Of course he was good-looking, smart, polite and funny. He was a bit older than Harry and studying to become a paediatrician. 

But maybe it wasn’t too late. Maybe he could fix it, could fix himself, his relationship with Harry, his friendship with Niall and Liam and thus the band. He knew it would kill him to meet Harry and treat him like an ex and to be treated like an ex by Harry, but he was willing to play along for the time being in order to proof that it had been wrong to let him go.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what to say as an excuse for taking so long. Let me just say that the events in Louis' life in the past months have temporarily killed any desire and ability to continue this fic. Yesterday was a turning point, because I needed to channel my anger and frustration about the arrest and the press that followed. So I hope some of you will come back to see how the story unfolds. After this there will be 2 more chapters, leading up to the only possible ending of a Larry fic, at least for me.

Without you  
Silence batters my ears  
Darkness flashes my eyes  
Cold burns up my body

Without you  
Heaven is a hellish place  
Home is an endless void   
Friends are alien threats

Without you  
My heart stops breathing   
My mind stops feeling  
My soul stops laughing, loving, living

Without you  
I am lost.

 

Louis snorted, this was pathetic. Unfortunately it was also the truth. Nevertheless, these were no song lyrics he wanted to be associated with. So, he idly moved the cursor over the laptop screen, one for the vaults.

He sighed, not that he had lost his ability to come up with ideas and write, but he was always so much better when he could bounce his ideas off other people’s input. In the past it had of course been Harry, who was naturally allowed the first glimpse and had pushed Louis in the right direction with praise and criticism, but usually refrained from offering input, as he wanted Louis’ songs to be pure and 100% him. Then there was Liam, who was so full of his own ideas that it was a constant push and pull, nerve-wrecking at times, but effectively making the songs better and stronger. And of course there were Julian and John and Jamie, all 1D song-writing veterans, understanding him without words when necessary.

He thought that they were probably working on the new album now, sitting together in varying combos for the greater good. It hurt to be left out, but Louis had to admit to himself that he had only himself to blame. If he hadn’t been lashing out like a wounded animal, they would probably all be still around. It was up to him to make the first step.

He picked up his mobile and scrolled through his contacts until Liam’s name was highlighted.   
“Wow, this is unexpected. Where have you been hiding?”  
“Yeah, I know and I am truly sorry. So, how are you?”  
“Fine, I guess.”

So this was not going to be easy. Liam was friendly, but guarded. If Louis had hoped for an outstretched hand or open arms, he had to cope with hands in pockets or crossed behind the back. But he couldn’t even blame the guy. He had driven his friend away, even jeopardized the future of the band. It was an easy guess that Liam and Niall, who had always tried to stay out of his and Harry’s relationship, had this time involuntarily sided with Harry, as Louis had betrayed their friendship with his alienating behavior. This was exactly as hard as he had anticipated. 

“Look, I know I behaved like shit and none of you deserved it, but I know I am part of a band and I want to be part of this band, so I promise I am good to go. So when do you need me, what can I do?”  
Louis hoped that Liam would not tell him to his face that this was a fucking lie and that he could fuck off.  
“Honestly, you catch me off guard here. We have just decided to put everything on hold, wait a little longer and see what you will do. We scheduled a meeting with management for tomorrow to discuss the strategy.”  
“Do you want me out?”   
Louis was frightened and felt a lump in his throat.

“Nobody wants anybody out. You know damn well that this band is finished if any of us calls it quits. You were silent for so long and we cannot be on hiatus forever, so a decision has to be made, soon.”  
“Right, I see. What can I do?”  
“Well, read your mails, so we’re all on the same page and then come to the meeting tomorrow. I guess we make it a band meeting first and then talk to the suits. You’re up for it?”

Louis fiddled with the strings of his hoodie. Band meeting meant facing Harry and pretending he was alright. This was not what he had anticipated. He quickly reran the images in his head about casually meeting up with Liam, clearing the air and maybe, just maybe fit in a writing session. Damn it! But if he backed off now, this would actually be an unnecessary nail in the coffin of the band. So Louis took a deep breath and decided to be brave and strong for his lads, wouldn’t be the first time, but the first time without Harry reassuring him that he could, in fact, do it.   
“Yeah, I’m on board. Just text me where and when. See you tomorrow I guess. Bye Liam.”  
His voice may have trembled a bit at the end.  
“Good talking to you, Lou, see you.”  
There might have been some of the old fondness in Liam’s voice and Louis couldn’t help to sigh in relief. 

He felt a slight panic rise and knew he had to find something to do, in order to make it through the next minutes or hours until Liam would contact him again. So he did the only reasonable thing and faced all the unread mails from Liam, Niall, management and whomever on his computer.

It was a lot to stomach, not the missed appointments and deadlines or badly masked threats, no, but the deep concern and worries from Liam and Niall. He knew that they would have been there for him if he had let them. He felt bad for shutting them out.

After some time his head was spinning from all the word vomit in his inbox, so he decided to take a break. His whole body felt tense, all muscles tight and his skin itchy. Stress did that to him sometimes. So he decided to get a long, hot shower and try to wash away a bit of the baggage burdening him. 

He undressed and just dropped his clothes where he stood. The warm water had an immediate soothing effect. His muscles softened and the fog in his mind cleared. After a couple of blissful minutes he grabbed the sponge, put some shower gel on it and slowly dragged it over his body from top to bottom. Louis sighed deeply when he realized that it has been ages since someone else had touched his body intimately. That someone had of course been Harry. He eyed his penis dubiously, not feeling the slightest desire to pleasure himself. With his man gone, his sex drive had evaporated into thin air. He sighed again, turned off the water and tried to wake up his nerves and senses by forcefully toweling any trace of wetness from his skin. 

Louis was putting on some soft sweat clothes when the doorbell rang. He frowned in confusion and stumbled towards the door, trying to pull up his pants and get his arms into the hoodie at the same time. Some swearing was inevitable as his socked feet skidded to a halt. He opened the door and a hotchpotch of emotions washed over him as he stared into Liam’s face.  
“I brought a pizza of peace.” Liam blurted out, clinging to the pizza for life. It seemed his emotions were in the same turmoil as Louis’.

And Louis just kept staring and staring until Liam cleared his throat and put on one of his pleading puppy dog faces.  
“Maybe I could come in?”

Louis stepped aside and Liam entered cautiously. It was the thud of the closing door that reeled them back to reality and Liam unceremoniously shoved the pizza carton on the nearest available surface and pulled Louis in for a hug that was fiercely reciprocated.   
Again Liam was the first to speak.  
“I missed you so much. Is it ok that I popped up like this?”   
He waved his arms around, only to pull in Louis once again, as if he was afraid his friend could run for his money.  
Soon they were comfortably settled on the couch and devouring the pizza. But if Louis had hoped that chewing and swallowing would prevent him from having to talk, he was utterly wrong.  
“So, you wanna tell me what happened?”

Louis eyes went round like saucers and his shoulders slumped visibly. He fiddled with the drawstings of his sweater and thought about an easy escape route. But that would not be fair, not to Liam and not to himself. If he still wholeheartedly wanted to be a member of the band, honesty was key.

“I guess I fucked up royally. I totally misjudges Harry’s feelings, that’s what happened.”  
“Did you talk to him? After, I mean.”  
“Not really, we wrote back and forth but then this guy happened and I don’t know anything anymore. I just know that I want to be part of the band.”  
Liam eyed him dubiously.  
“Is that all?”  
“What do you mean? Is that not enough?”  
“Do you want Harry back? Do you still love him?”  
Louis felt tears brimming in his eyes and he had to swallow hard. But Liam looked genuinely concerned and honesty, yeah.

“Do you really have to ask that? My life is a mess without Harry. Nothing makes sense without him. So yes to both. I want him back and I still love him, but I am not sure that I am entitled to make the first move. He has to give me the thumbs up somehow, that he wants me back in his life.”

Liam moaned desperately and looked at Louis for what seemed like ages, carefully choosing words and building sentences in his head.

“So I suggest you talk to Harry first, clear the air. This, us, cannot work when there is constant tension between the two of you. There is a lot ahead, putting the album together, promo, tour. You know what it’s like.”  
“Okay, I will talk to him. Tell him that we are good and that what happened does not affect our work. But, please Liam, for the love of God, everything else takes time. Just imagine me making heart-eyes at him with that guy still in the picture. That would cause tension. Trust me, I can handle this.”

Liam didn’t seem convinced, but he had to admit that Louis had a point. So he let it go. The next couple of hours passed with Liam playing Louis demos of the latest songs and asking for his input. They came up with amazing stuff and Louis felt so alive.   
When he went to bed that night he thought everything was possible and the meeting the next day was nothing to worry about.  
The high held until he stood in front of the studio door, hearing muffled voices from the other side. All of his inner organs plummeted south, his knees seemed too weak to hold his weight and where his brain was supposed to be was nothing but void. 

Should he knock or could he just barge in? Wait, when had he ever knocked? No, not going to happen today. He took a deep breath and pushed the handle down. Three pairs of eyes looked at him, warmly (Liam), expectantly (Niall), warily (Harry). So far so good.

He gave them the best smile he could muster. Liam came over and gave him a comforting hug. Niall got up as well and patted his back before ruffling his hair with a grin. Harry leaned against the console, hands buried in the pockets of his jeans. He was biting his lower lip, his stare guarded. He didn’t move. Louis was daunted, but before he could think of something coherent to say, Liam and Niall left, mumbling something about an urgent phone call, a weak bladder and imminent errands.

Louis couldn’t help but roll his eyes when the door fell shut, which in turn made Harry grin widely. So this blind understanding between them still worked. Louis’ heart ached.  
Harry lowered his gaze to focus on his boots and to hear him speak was soothing and upsetting at the same time.  
“Good to see you. Liam played us the new stuff earlier, it’s …. Well … 

His voice trailed off and he shook his head.

“Sorry, I don’t know how to do this.”  
“Me neither.” Louis whispered.

He shoved his hands in his pockets because he wanted to touch Harry so desperately that they were trembling. His confidence was waning. This man, his man, was unhinging him on so many levels he could barely breathe. A feeling of panic washed over him as he realized that he would have to be near Harry on a daily basis for the next couple of months without being able to let his guard down.  
What lunacy had led him to believe that he was strong enough for this?

Before they could work this out, however, there was a commotion on the other side of the door which led to the door being cautiously opened and a face, that Louis had hoped to never have to look at for real, peeked in.  
“Hey babe, how about an early lunch?” Loverboy said in a voice brimming with affection. Only then the man saw Louis standing in the middle of the room and the look in his eyes became compassionate, irritated and judgmental, all at once.

Louis redirected his eyes to Harry and was fascinated to see the shocked look of a deer in headlights being replaced by a stern and somehow stubborn one.  
“Hey, come here. You haven’t met Louis yet.”

No, no, NO. This was Harry’s Louis-voice, all soft and caring and full of promise. Louis couldn’t take it. He made a choked sound in the back of his throat and pushed past the guy. He didn’t stop running until he was in the men’s room, trying to breathe and to hold back the tears. He had hardly ever felt so helpless and hopeless in his life. He wasn’t ready for this. 

The ticking of the clock above the door brought him back to reality. Only 25 Minutes until the meeting with management. They were supposed to show a united front, assure everyone that they would function perfectly. Obviously he wasn’t. He had to though.

When he arrived home a couple of hours later he was exhausted, physically and emotionally. He went straight to bed, not caring to undress or go to the bathroom. He just lay there staring at the ceiling in the pitch black room. He hoped that he had nodded at the right moments and displayed an air of confidence. He had avoided looking at Harry for all of the meeting, had focused on the reps from management and the label on the other side of the table. He wanted to throw his pain and anger in their faces. If they hadn’t forced Harry and him into the closet all those years ago, none of this would have happened. 

His mobile started ringing, vibrating against his thigh. He managed to fumble it out of his jeans pocket and dropped it weakly without a glance. Shortly afterwards another tone announced that he had a new voicemail. He unlocked his phone and pressed the necessary buttons.

“Lou, I’m so sorry. I want to talk, just you and me. Soon. Call me anytime. You know, you never answered my last letter. Take care and call me, please.”

Louis tossed and turned for the better part of the night, wondering why Harry wanted to talk and if he could stomach such a talk. What could possibly come from such a talk, when Louis wanted to offer all of him but nothing less and Harry was in no position to take all of him. Harry was and always been a decent guy. Being in a relationship he never looked left or right, well maybe looked, but only to appreciate even more what he had. Louis knew that and his moral code meant not jeopardizing a relationship, even if it killed him. Maybe he could ask Harry to not have the guy around, when they had work-related commitments. Was he entitled to ask such a thing? Unfortunately nothing was obvious beyond any doubt. He wanted to talk to his mum, but she wasn't feeling too well lately, so he wouldn't disturb her in the middle of the night anyway. 

Morning broke with rays of sunshine filtering into the room and Louis decided to take that as a good omen. So he became daring and sent a text: HOME 9AM, I MAKE PANCAKES.  
It only took what felt like seconds until he received a text back: HOME 9AM, LEAVE THE PANCAKES TO ME.  
A warm feeling shot through his body as he got up and went to the bathroom. Later he set the table and as the clock showed only 8.15 he decided to give it his best shot. He went out onto the terrace, letting the sun and a cup of tea warm him, as he started to write the letter.

Well, my love, what shall I write? You said you needed to get away to be able to make decisions and you did. Decisions that made it clear that I was no longer part of your future. That hurt, still does, to be honest. I feel, like you never gave me a chance to tell you what I had to offer, what I learned and what I was prepared to do for you, for us. Now you are in a place where I can no longer say these things because it would not make things better but cause more pain and confusion. I am sorry for yesterday, but I am a bad judge of my strength these days. I don’t know what the future holds for us. I hope that I can turn my love for you into something casual and light that will enable us to be friends. As we never were just friends I have no idea how to achieve that and if I can do it at all. Right now there is just love, unhinged and without purpose. So bottom line is, as much as I dread it, we can only do this together. So, I guess, breakfast is a good start, your pancakes are very welcome and so are YOU. ALWAYS. 

He folded the sheet of paper and carefully placed it on Harry’s usual spot at the dining table. Then the doorbell rang and he straightened his shoulders, breathed out, put on a smile and opened the door.

The beauty of the man on his doorstep took his breath away. Had Harry always been this angelic and overwhelming? He stared into the greenest eyes in the prettiest face with the most charming smile, completely unaware that Harry was staring back, because the feeling was mutual.

Louis blinked in confusion. Why did Harry hesitate to come in? Did he need the words? But this was his home also? No, Louis realised painfully, this was no longer Harry's home. Louis' head drooped, he couldn't say it, so he just made a fleeting gesture and went into the kitchen without looking back. He heard Harry sigh and the door close.

Harry looked around and spotted the letter. He picked it up carefully as if he was afraid it could crumble to dust. He sat down and he read. Louis turned his back and started preparing the batter for the pancakes with shaking hands. When the silence became too much, he turned around. Harry seemed to be frozen in time and space, tears running down his face. He held the letter to his chest. When he sensed Louis' gaze on him, he looked up and shook his head. He got up in slow-motion, licking his lips as this could bring back his ability to speak.

"This... , too much..., cannot talk...., so sorry."

He literally fled the house, leaving Louis baffled and speechless. He grabbed his hair in frustration. How could this have gone so wrong? He slumped down on the nearest chair and it could have been minutes or hours or days, he couldn't tell. His mobile signalled an incoming text: SORRY AGAIN, I NEED TO THINK, I AM A BIT OVERWHELMED. BUT FOR WHATEVER IT'S WORTH, LOU, I LOVE YOU. 

Louis reread the text until his eyes hurt and when the sun set that day, he felt hope and he smiled.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, it has been a lot longer than I expected and for that I feel sorry. I hope there are still some lovely people here who want to know how this story unfolds. So thanks and enjoy.

Actions speak louder than words, they say. Louis felt the heavy meaning of that saying when he watched TV two days after Harry had sent him the text, which had unearthed a little sapling called hope in Louis. It was time for the so-called entertainment news, more like gossip, and the presenter was beaming as she said: 

“We all love a little bit of romance in our lives and even find delight in experiencing it second-hand, especially when it is displayed as beautifully as in the case of our beloved hero Harry Styles. Ever since his coming out we have held our breath to see if he would find true love and it seems he got lucky. Yesterday evening Harry was spotted in Soho spending a very romantic evening with his American boyfriend, pediatrician David Harker. They went to an Italian restaurant where they got all cuddly sitting next to one another, exchanging food and PDA. They left the place smiling and holding hands, until they drove off into the night. I wonder what they were up to.”

All through that shitty monologue pictures and a short video of Harry and this man flashed on the screen and burned themselves into Louis’ brain. He felt a bit nauseous. Could he have misunderstood that text, the look on Harry’s face when they had sat on that couch? Louis didn’t know what to do with himself, he was restless, thoughts racing through his mind at the speed of light. He needed to talk to someone, someone to get him out of that vicious circle of insecurity, jealousy and cussing Harry.

Well, he could always call Harry, get it from the horse’s mouth, so to speak. No, bad idea, he was too upset to play it cool and start a conversation under some pretense. 

So Louis chose the worst scenario possible and went ghost. Without letting anyone know he travelled north to spend some time with his family. Of course it lasted less than 24 hours before his phone went berserk with calls and text messages. He realized that he had probably made a mistake and sent a text to Liam, which he hoped sounded vaguely coherent.

‘Sorry, but some serious family stuff came up and I had to hurry to Doncaster. It completely slipped my mind to let you guys know. Just give me a couple of days. Louis’

It took only a few hours before he knew that this had been an awful idea. Of course Liam had told Harry and Harry had tried to contact Louis, who ignored him. Having been a member of the family for a long time Harry was worried and tried to get hold of whoever was willing to talk to him in the Tomlinson-Deakin household. All of them were fiercely loyal to Louis, but had different points of view of what was best for him. So Jay and Dan stayed out of the matter, knowing that the two men needed to solve their problems on their own. Phoebe, Daisy and Fizzy ignored Harry, having labelled him the one who broke their brother’s heart. Lottie answered with a sigh, as she knew that they needed all the help they could get to at least make a first step.

So she yelled at Harry for disregarding Louis’ feelings by being disgustingly happy with his new boyfriend and then pleading with him to somehow put a real smile back on her brother’s face. She gave him the latest bulletin on Louis’ state of mind and heart and promised to send him back to London as soon as possible. And as the good sister she was, she delivered Harry’s request for a face to face talk a little more emotional than strictly necessary. Nevertheless it took only 2 days and a handful of threats about withholding food and spilling secrets before Louis understood what was expected of him. On the other hand everyone was glad to have him home for once and he definitely perked up, especially from talking to his mum and relaxing in her comforting embraces.

The moment he got home he texted Harry that he could come over whenever he felt like it, knowing that delaying the inevitable talk would not make things easier.   
He didn’t have to wait long before the doorbell announced his visitor. Louis opened the door and looked at a flustered Harry.

“Can we talk?”

Louis shrugged his shoulders. He was so tired. It seemed as if the last couple of days had been a constant fight that had sucked up all of his energy. Having to face Harry, knowing that their feelings – his feelings – were not enough to bring them back together, hurt too much. And the fact that he had to put on a brave face in front of the others didn’t help either. The problem was that all of them knew him so well, that not being an open book was a demanding task. He didn’t want to worry them, fearing that he might go ghost again. But most of all he didn’t want their pity.   
Harry had turned it up a notch with David. They were spotted out and about in London every single night, some pap walks and lots of fan sightings. It was not that they were necessarily displaying any PDA, more that they seemed like a team, united in the desire to get away from all the attention. They usually walked side by side, shoulders brushing, heads close, talking only for the other one to hear.

“Louis, can I come in, please?”

Louis snapped back to reality and an amazingly beautiful Harry begging to enter his house. He stepped aside to let his former husband-to-be into the once shared family home.  
As soon as they were seated on opposite couches in the living room Harry sighed, fiddling with the hem of his silk shirt. At some point in the past Louis had loved the colourful, joyous prints. Now they irritated him and made him sad. Totally lost in thought again it took him some time to realise that Harry had indeed started talking, staring at him with expectant and wide-open eyes.

“Sorry, come again.”

“We need to find a way to make this work. So tell me what am I doing wrong that you always snap, when I am around. Liam told me that you are good, until I show up.”  
There was a tinge of disappointment in his voice. 

Louis looked down at his feet, so he could avoid looking into Harry’s eyes. Again, he knew that honesty was key, if they, no, if he wanted to make this work.  
“I just can’t cope with your relationship spread out in technicolor before my eyes every day. I thought it would be easier by now.”

Harry looked confused.  
“But you have met David only once and very briefly. I don’t get it.”

“Yeah, I know and I am really grateful for that. But the media coverage is everywhere. I am afraid to switch on the telly or surf the internet, there is no escaping you. And, honestly, it irritates and hurts. I hardly sleep anymore. It makes me cranky. Maybe you remember how that feels.”

Harry dropped his head into his hands and let out a deep sigh. He raked his fingers through his hair, visibly frustrated. Louis knew that some internal struggle was going on and that he had to wait patiently, if he wanted a satisfying answer.  
“Ok, I don’t want to hurt you. So just for you, David and I are fake-dating, it is a stunt, so nothing you have to get upset about.”

Louis felt his jaw drop. This was the one thing that would have never crossed his mind. This was bizarre. All those years they had had opposite-sex beards to hide their true self and their relationship and here was Harry, stunting with a man. This was sick, it didn’t make sense, so he stuttered in confusion: “But, why?”

“Well, believe it or not my first concern was you. There were so many rumours about us going round, the whole Larry Stylinson thing. I feared that the media and many of our fans would automatically dig up all that old stuff about us and thus put the spotlight on you as well. I didn’t want to drag you into this. In addition I was afraid, that when I come out, everyone would link me to every male I was spotted with, speculations running wild with the nature of our relationship. I was worried to be labelled a slut, if I would party and have fun as a single. David had become a friend and I confided in him. We discussed my options and he offered to help. I was so glad, because I trust him and I was 100% sure that he wouldn’t try to profit for his own sake. So I agreed.”

Louis was speechless for a little while.  
“So the two of you never ….?” 

He made a vague gesture with his hands as his voice trailed off, looking wide-eyed and hopeful at Harry, who blushed.

“Well, we flirted for a bit and after a tipsy night out we took it to the next level, but it only happened once and we both knew instantly that we weren’t meant to be a romantic couple. Which, of course, makes things a lot easier now.”

“But why didn’t you tell me straight away?”

Harry grinned apologetically and shifted uneasily.  
“I was afraid we could be tempted to pick up where we left off without reflection. I still feel so much for you, but you are still in the closet and I have no idea where you stand. So I wanted to stay a safe distance.”

Louis let the words sink in and shockingly had to admit to himself that he had no idea where he stood. Getting back together had seemed impossible and the pain about that had been a major roadblock in reconsidering his own situation.  
“So if I told you that I still love you the same and want you back by my side in this house, what would you do?”

Harry was as lost as Louis.   
“I don’t know. Deep down I want that too, I guess. But we would need to think of a strategy PR-wise. I could break up with David and lay low for a while, due to work. Then we could start to be seen together publicly, I could move back in and when asked, we could say that we had been in a committed relationship for years, separated and fell in love all over again, when reuniting for the new album. But then you would have to come out somewhere along the way.”

Louis was stunned.

“Sounds like you already gave it some thought. But shouldn’t we work out our problems in private before that? See if we can really find some common ground to start over?”

“This may sound awkward, but I have dreamed about this since the day I walked out of this door.”

Harry smiled at him shyly with a wet shine in his eyes. Louis felt like every emotion ever named washed over him. He wanted to get up and kiss his boy, get lost in his embrace and take him to bed to discover all the secrets of their bodies all over again. But he was frozen in time and place. He knew that he had to come clear for himself and for Harry before he could even think of letting this go to any sort of romantic or sexual level. Watching Harry leave that night was one of the hardest things he had done in a very long time. But as soon as the door closed relief spread through his body and he spent the first of many sleepless nights, tormenting himself with finding answers to the obvious and imminent questions or fantasising over Harry’s naked body in his, their, bed and the pleasures that held. Since their separation he had not only been emotionally numb but also sexually deactivated. Nothing could arouse him in the slightest and the idea to put his own mind and hands to good use made him feel nauseous. Now the prospect of getting it all back set every atom in his body on fire. He felt like a sailor, convinced to die in stormy sea under clouded skies, when suddenly the warm and guiding light cone of a lighthouse shows the way home to safety.

So that night hope left him wanting and with a sigh he laid back and closed his eyes. His skin had memorised the outline of Harry’s body against his, when he had hugged him goodbye, the imprint of Harry’s hand on his upper arm when he had let go and the unique scent of body wash, eau de cologne and masculinity that had always the sweetest perfume to Louis. His skin tingled, his inner organs somersaulted and his cock stirred to life. His hands flitted down his body, lingering on his nipples, gently rubbing until he couldn’t help but moan. Then there was no holding back. With one hand he frantically worked his erection, while the other multi-tasked fondling his balls and teasing his hole. It took him only a couple of minutes to come all over his stomach and chest as pictures of Harry in various erotic scenarios played behind his eyelids. His heart was beating erratically as he curled up on his left side, facing the empty half of this huge bed and letting the tears flow freely.

Tears for having lost Harry, tears for the pain the separation caused, but most of all tears for being lost and not knowing how to deal with what was lying ahead of him.


End file.
